Quote of the day:
“If it’s not exactly like you thought it would be, you think it’s a failure. What about the spectrum of colors in between.”
So it has been about a month since graduation and the post-grad blues are finally kicking in. I feel like time is flying by so quickly that I have not been able to fully grasp or comprehend of what is now my reality. More than ever I am feeling lost and there are days that I feel the anxiety creeping in. On a normal day I typically space out and excessively worry about a dozen times questioning if I have made the right decisions and choices and thinking about what the future has in store for me. In the past I have been told I am way too hard on myself and yes they are right, I am my biggest critic and at times my biggest enemy.
I have this bad tendency to concentrate on the negative and not really focus on the positive. I over analyze things and eventually stress myself out too much . I am currently in a position where I have so many ideas and plans but they all go to waste once I realize I have no sense of direction or execution. I am deeply afraid and paranoid that this phase of my life will never go away and that I will never be successful. Yet what does it mean to be successful? When discussing success with other people, I have noticed success is subjective and often materialistic.
To many people “being successful” does not always mean a 100k salary, a fancy house, and luxury vacations. I never questioned myself about my feelings towards success, until I heard my best friend express herself about her passions and dreams for the future. She claimed she didn’t find success in materialistic things but rather in her emotions and well-being. She claimed that she would know she was successful when her life was an adventure and she would never fall into a cookie-cutter routine. When she asked me my definition of success I realized I didn’t have an answer, and that this was perhaps the main reason behind my post-grad blues. The answer that I have always given to people were my parents definition of success, not mine. Of course I still want a good job with a good salary, a nice house, and my own business, but who says that will automatically make me happy? In fact no one knows.
But what I do know at the moment is that my friends and family and the positivity that they provide are my current sources of happiness.
I have friends and family members that are doing big things and that seem to have their whole lives all figured out already and here I am writing a post about being lost with no sense of direction in life. Trust me, I am by no means jealous of them, I wish them nothing but happiness and blessings. In fact they are the ones that are keeping me sane by motivating me and inspiring me every day. The more I talk to them the more I notice what I am lacking, and yes, as cheesy as this sounds what I am lacking in my life is positivity and reassurance that life is a learning experience for all of us.
Positivity is a beautiful thing, it is like a beam of light that penetrates through your soul and heart and makes you feel like you can conquer anything. Positivity is something we all need, and as a person who has suffered from depression in the past, believe me when I tell you that positivity can cure anything. Although I am not the best when it comes to being positive I am working very hard on it.
The days that I feel depressed and lost in despair, I stop and think about all the good things I have accomplished and all the things that I should be grateful for, usually the little things in life are what brings us the most happiness. I remind myself that I am young and that I have the freedom to be lost and not have my entire life together yet. I am in that age of self-discovery and I know that things will get better. As repetitive as it sounds it is true when they say everyone is different, not everyone follows the same path, some of us have to pave our own paths sometimes. It may not be easy at first but we all have to start somewhere and trust me with patience,positivity and perseverance things are possible. There have been many times in my life where everything seemed to be falling apart and everything around me felt meaningless, yet with just a little positivity I was able to escape that abyss of darkness.
So yes, I might be going through some post-grad blues at the moment, but as we all know you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain! Whether you are a recent college graduate or not, remember that the hard times will always pass by, life is not meant to be dull but an endless adventure of learning about ourselves and others. Good Luck :)!